Hoping for a better new year.
THIS past year has been a pretty dreadful one- even by my standards. After suffering a car crash six weeks, I find myself in pretty bad financial state. It looks as though I will not see any money come by way (from the other party)- having had to pay over a grand of my own money, the punishment keeps coming. After having to schedule a medical appointment (in relation to the accident), I will be charged a ‘cancellation fees’- which will put me into debt. One single and stupid event has cost my so much- not just financially, but emotionally (and physiologically). This year has also seen my lose a very dear (online friend)- over something very stupid and baffling. I have had one of my worst years of depression- helped in so small part because of recent events. Being in a job (that is causing a lot of stress and dissatisfaction), I find myself looking to 2015 with a sense of… skepticism.
Aside from getting a lot of support (from my family), music- and my music-producing peeps- have given me the most fulfillment- and satisfaction. I am not sad to see the back of 2014, as it has been a pretty disappointing year. On the plus side, I am determined to change everything in 2015- and I mean, EVERYTHING. I have not put any of my music to tape; not collaborated with any musicians- that will change. I have a ‘wish list’ (of people I want to work with); a song (a very big one) I want to get produced- and of course, get a band together. It is time to stop thinking so much about other people- if recent unfortunate occurrences have shown me anything, you get screwed over. It doesn’t matter how much you give and give- someone will take that spirit clean out of you. Sitting with a pile of stress and (a severe lack of money), it is time to burn the remnants of this year- start fresh and learn from it. I am going to focus more on myself- whilst continuing to give to others.
When all the debts, costs and sacrifices are tabulated- it is time to start doing things differently. I am determined to stop working just for the hell of earning a wage- do things I actually WANT to do with life. Get music made; get ambitions realised- start focusing on better things. I hope to move to London (or closer to it); see some of my online friends- head to Yorkshire for a start. I am not one for making ‘resolutions’ (when we approach a new year) as they are cliché and insincere. It would be nice (if 2015) gave me the following (and helped me achieve…)
Record at least one song
Form a band
Visit as many online friends as possible
Move to my own place
Stop being single- it gets annoying after a while
Stop putting everyone else before myself
Complete four new half-marathons (for charity)- in addition to fundraise
Get my charity endeavours and projects launched to a wider audience
Manage my depression and try to keep it under control
Be braver and less reserved- being bold can lead to some good things
Punish those who punish me- not letting people and things screw me over
Promote new music and help my music friends- as much as I can
Try and get my Psychoacoustics business ideas started
Well, you get the idea. I am more than fed up with losing out; getting knocked down and kicked. It sounds like I am on a total downer- this year has seen a lot of good. I am so glad that many of my music friends have managed to achieve success- so many of them have made some big strides. Seeing other people succeed (and do so well) has given me a lot of pleasure- I hope that 2015 is huge for them! If I can achieve a few of my ‘goals’ it will be a massive achievement- I feel this year has consisted of setbacks and day-to-day grind. Whether- realising my goals- involves poverty and illness, I will make it happen. Positivity and (focusing on me) is the way forward- it does not mean abandoning others. I think getting the balance right; taking risks and being bold- THAT is the smartest thing to do. Karma and equality do not exist- they are mythical concepts expounded by people that want the universe to ‘level the score’. Life doesn’t work like that- reality exists; the universe plays no physical hand in anything. I have accepted I will experience misfortune and sadness- although hopefully less than this year. The only way to obtain satisfaction and self-fulfillment is to take gambles; go out and get it- not expect others (who should give back and appreciate their lot) to do the right things. It may not go exactly ‘according to plan’; there may be some roadblocks and delays- but the ambition is there. Being stuck in a rut is sucky; losing so much is horrendous- why would you not want to change that (whatever it takes)? I hope that others (and those reading) have their eyes trained to the next year (and aiming for bigger things). If you have had a bad year- make a list and set yourself targets; look ahead and make 2015 so much better (than this year). If you have had a good year, then keep the momentum going- and get stronger and more assured. I am looking forward to focusing more on music; following dreams- and stop living a boring, buttoned-down and frustratingly (pointless office life). To hell with 2014- let’s start to plan for an exciting new year. This time next year, I will post another blog- I hope to post lots of great news. It is ambitious stuff, but I have always been that way- it is so much better than being boring and ‘realistic’. As I make plans; try not to let financial woes dictate things- it is a good time for others to reflect. I know that next year will be a much better one; a more productive one…
A more musical one.