Making Changes: Not Just For New Year

Making Changes: Not Just For New Year

 

I have been neglecting music reviewing some-what; for a number of different reasons: the energy and commitment (it demands) is one of the most pressing.  Working irregular and demanding hours, I am finding it (reviewing) a strain and tiring prospect- it is why I have put it firmly on the back burner.  In a way it is a shame, as music reviewing has been a part of my life for several years- it is the reason this blog exists.

This last week has been a rather trying and bizzare one- a silver lining has developed.  I find myself putting (myself first) and sacrificing my own happiness- too concerned with what other people are feeling.  Very recently, a rather upsetting and heartbreaking event has occurred- something that has caused me sleeplessness and upset.  Having hurt a valuable friend and caused some upset (for them), I have decided to change my ways.  I am too keen to get involved with people; ask if they are okay- pay compliments.  Not dragging the details into the light, an harmless and good-natured gesture (on my part) has back-fired- and will continue to do so.  In the wake of it, I have probably lost a valuable and close friend- possibly forever.  Not just that, but have hurt them hugely- this angers me enormously.

In addition to having upset and hurt a wonderful person, I am fearful that I will never hear (from them again)- it has caused me to reassess me way of thinking; the way I prioritise myself.  I am always too keen to be seen as ‘the good guy’; the person that goes out of their way- do something kind or thoughtful.  When it backfires- and innocent people get hurt- it gets to me (more than they will ever know); and I am tired of being a burden- things need to change.

Being close to my 300th (blog post), I am keen to get back on track: reorganise my mind and start putting dreams first.  For too many years I have neglected recording; put a relationship in the shadows- made sure most of my money went to other people.  It is not the case I am going to completely change- become a harsh and selfish human.  The fact is, I am getting too upset and affected (when things go bad).  Thoughtfulness and consideration will always be high on the agenda- I just need to limit my ‘kindness’; stay out of other people’s lives.  Be like everyone else, essentially.

New Year is the time for resolutions; it is stupid to dedicate an arbitrary (time of the year) to resolutions you will not keep.  When things go bad; when life starts to crumble- THAT is action needs to be taken; things need to change….

I have decided to make sure I record some music- before this time next year- and find a relationship- think about personal fulfillment and happiness.  It is important to keep friends; be faithful to your better nature- it is even more important to not lose focus of your own well-being.  When it comes to recent events, I doubt they will resolve themselves- I think too much damage has been done (and that cause me more pain than anything else).  Baffled, angry and deeply upset, I have to make changes and start putting myself first- take myself out of other people’s lives.  In addition to recording music, I hope to write a comedy (pilot); find love; move closer to London- as well as dozens of others things.

Not so much a Bucket List: it is a list of things I (should have done years ago) and have neglected- at the top of the list is ‘Be Happy’- how many of us aim for that (and fail)?  I should be back to reviewing music- in limited capacity- next year; making plans to get a band together- becoming a different person.  Too many of us make bad decisions and make mistakes- and do nothing about it.  Having chatted with a  treasured and loyal friend, she has opened my eyes- urged me to start thinking about me; putting myself first.  She is right, and I am glad she (said it)- it is something we all need to do.

I am not suggesting we all need to abandon our finer nature, but you definitely need to balance priorities- stop being so involved with (making other people happy); getting involved in other people’s lives- and making things (for yourself) worse.  As horrible as I feel- for having made someone I care about hate me- it has made me realise what I need to do: make myself happier.  Only then will I be able to live a better and more fulfilled life.  I have charity ambitions; music plans and things to sort out- distraction from recent embarrassments.  If you are in a similar position (and feel too burdened) it is okay to let things go- and think about yourself.  When it is all said and done…

THAT’s not a bad thing at all.

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