Something To Reflect Upon

I am back to music blogging come Saturday, yet have given my mind something else to focus on.  Off of the back of some rather unexpected and unpleasant family news, I have decided to do something to focus on.  Having seen a few members of my family survive or die due to cancer, it has struck my how unfair and cruel life can truly be.  The best and most generous people always seem to suffer most, and it is something I will never get used to.

On 12th April, I will do something I have not done for a while.  In my childhood years, I was a keen runner and dedicated all-round athlete.  As well as being a cross-country runner, I was an eager athlete, footballer and swimmer- and kept as active as possible.  Life and work then got in the way, and the past couple of decades has seen me focus more on education and development as opposed to returning to my first love.  I am preparing for a 14.5-odd mile run in just over 10 weeks.  I plan to start in the town I was born (Guildford); cover the various roads, streets and miles from there; and end up…back at home.  It is a route that will take in some familiar sites, and if all goes according to plan, I can complete the run in just over 4 hours.  I have not done any real strenuous or dedicated excercise for many years, and it will be a big undertaking.  At first it will involve aclimatising my body to running again, and will take it in steps.  I have been talking with some wonderful people, and getting advice on what needs to be done; how to best prepare- and how to build myself up.  It is a few months away, yet feel that I will need the time to fully ready myself.

I am doing it, not only to raise money for a wonderful cause; as well as pay homage to many I have known whom have been afflicted by cancer- but there is something else.  Personal frustrations and anger has compelled me to distract my mind.  The vicissitudes of life have left me incredible exhausted and filled with daily headaches and pains.  It has taken too long to type this far, given that my arms are barely able to lift themselves.  I have been disappointed by my life in general and am incredibly angry at myself for so many reasons.  In addition I have felt myself giving too much to people, and not receiving; being taken advantage of by some- and has really gotten to me.  Finally, this god-damn pile of miserable crap excuse for winter we are experience, is the icing on the cake.  Each prophecy of torrential rain (which seems to be every day), takes so much out of me.  The sleepless nights, stress and misery has stripped every ounce of strength from me.  We got through it again Friday; then Sunday, and possibly every other day for two more months.  It is a horrid and sick joke of a season that makes me want to leave the country forever.  I feel the need to bury my head and ignore people and intimate hostility, and aim for something more worthy.  In so much as I can rely upon dissatisfaction concerning reciprocal relationships, I am confident that participating in a half-marathon for a great cause is something that will fulfil me.

I have been remiss when it comes to pushing myself, and I have been a little negligent of secondary family members, long overdue my attentions.  I hope to counteract this imbalance this year, and prepare myself for April.  None of you know my uncle currently in the final stages of an arduous and tumultuous cancer battle; nor the aunty that was claimed by the disease, yet we all know someone whom has been affected by cancer- either directly or indirectly.  I know that one run will not cure cancer, nor change my life, yet it is something that gives me something to aim for.  If it can distract my sore head and exhausted muscles, and give them something to work for, then that can’t be bad; if it can take my mind away from the absurd weather are experiencing, then so much the better.  Above all, I hope to raise some money for a great cause which tackles a disease which is bigger than all of us- and all of our problems.  There will be an altered diet; some aching limbs and a lot of sweat, but hey: seems like a small sacrifice.

I hope to raise over £500 over the next few months, and hope that some can pitch in.  It will mean a great deal to me, and hopefully will mean a lot to a lot of very worthy people, too.

I shall blog every few weeks just to update; but for now…

Wish me luck x

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